The following process for Hobbit transformation is geared towards individuals who a.) are currently studying abroad in Auckland New Zealand, b.) have no car, c.) want to spend as little money as possible and d.) are willing to sacrifice the proper amount of the following necessities: hygiene, sleep, food, and water.

Step 1: Set an alarm for 6:45am. Groan upon waking up that it is 6:45am because everything is still pitch black as the sun does not seem to rise in Auckland until at least 7, if not 8.

Step 2: Rush to get ready. Include in your rushing a 5 minute shower, an uncharged phone, and a meager sip of water.

Step 3: Meet friends downstairs by 7:15am. Do not be the friend that gets there at 7:25am.

Step 4. Stop at a coffee shop for breakfast. Confuse espresso with regular coffee and accidentally order an espresso shot as your drink for the bus ride. Sadly take your espresso shot before boarding the bus, as there is no point in taking the cup on the bus if there is not even a real drink in it. Eat your blueberry muffin and pretend that it makes up for the lack of real coffee.

Step 5: Ride the bus for the next 3 hours. Try and ignore the fact that the bus is stopping every 30 minutes to pick up new people from stops along the way. Remind yourself that this is why THIS tour package is $75NZ less than the one advertised downtown.

Step 6. Start wishing you had just paid the $75NZ to go directly.

Step 7. Arrive in Matamata, the town where Hobbiton is! Wait for the official Hobbiton bus which will actually take you to the movie set. In waiting, walk into every cafe looking for a regular slice of cheap pizza. Get a steak and pepper pie from the cafe instead when there are only slices of Hawaiian pizza. Struggle to eat the pie on the bus as the crust crumbles and pieces of steak fall out.

Step 8. Bus ride past a lot of sheep. Start falling asleep because that is how many sheep you are trying to count 😉 and how tired you are!

Step 9. Arrive at Hobbiton! You are home! That is, for the next hour and a half. Walk through Hobbiton, go inside fake hobbit-holes, learn interesting movie facts, and receive a free ale at The Green Dragon. Ponder your life as a Hobbit and take in every second of your glorious existence, time is of the essence and shortly you will be stripped of your Hobbit identity.

Step 10. Begin the de-transformation stages of Hobbithood. Count sheep backwards, shop at the giftshop in a desperate attempt to hang on to Hobbit life, wait in a cafe for your city bus, watch your phone lose it’s last bit of battery and die (at least you got all the pics you wanted!) try to sleep on the bus for 3 long hours, listen to the very loud kids in the seat in front of you jokingly name each individual on the bus while giggling which naturally, prevents you and everyone else from actually sleeping, and finally, arrive back at the sky tower station in the middle of Auckland.

Your day as a Hobbit was a success! Now go home, eat, drink, and rest up. You deserve a break- Hobbit life has not been easy.